The surreal

For the last four months I think I've been asleep.  The beginning of everything started with thoughts, fantasies, and ideas about what reality ought to be; and it's funny, because the implications that 'ought' carries are vague at best.

I think in a lot of ways, we don't give a lot of thought to the power that our fantasies have; there is nothing different about our dreams and reality - the forcefulness of our urges are immense.  These urges can shape our lives in dramatic ways, and when do they become reality?  Well, we make that decision.  Our lives become surreal when we delve into our own thoughts so deeply, our reality becomes questionable; we become split in regards to our decision - what should our choice be, chance or something that's more sure?

Why do we start wondering about the 'ought' ?  Why do we even have this option?  We might not even understand why we think we 'ought' to do something, yet at the end of the day it's perpetuated by our own selfishness.  Maybe we get bored, maybe we feel like our lives aren't as interesting as what we think we see around us; however, when we embark upon this journey to find what we think we 'ought' to find, a lot the time we're left with empty hands.  In fact, we're left with sequences of time that we felt were so real while we were experiencing them, that the moment totally escaped our grasp.  Now, when we look back on them, only moments later, we find they feel like dreams - like moments that didn't really happen.  Moreover, no one else witnessed them but us, so how can we be sure they actually did occur?  Maybe people did see what we were doing, and perhaps their insight is far greater than ours, maybe they do understand our 'fantasies' or that we're living in a 'fantasy'.  No  matter how conscious we think we are of the moment, it can still escape our understanding; this has happened to me more than a few times lately, and I'm not ashamed to say that I really did think I thought I knew what was going on.

To master one's own consciousness is a bold task, it's often wrapped so deeply in other things that we lose it; for example, our sexuality often guides the way we think about things.  Like Hume said, our reason is just the slave of our passions; how can we be sure we're actually making the right choice when it's being guided by something that's irrational?  Are our passions rational?  I think not; however, they're evolved alongside our reason so at times it's difficult to tell the two apart.  In our modern day world, the men and women have to decipher exactly what's speaking to them, their reason, or their genitals - both can get us into trouble.

Well, I started one place and ended in another.